As society changes so has society’s view on beauty. It has become increasingly clear that the 21st century has the most correct stance on what true beauty really is. Models today that cover their emaciated bodies with rich clothing are a masterpiece of the human body. Artists such as Rubens and those of the Greek artists who depicted women with voluptuous curves and all that extra flesh were perverted fetishists who obviously had no idea how a real woman should look.

Today, there is no possible way for anyone to be confused as to what the ideal person looks like. The media displays it to the proper amount and, if you are still confused, there is always Hollywood. The stars must be closet prophets for knowing in advance how we should all appear. As our role models it is their duty to keep up and they have outdone themselves this time. Never have I seen so many people in agreement on dieting and how their faces should appear.

If you are despairing of ever living up to them, do not fret. Advances in science and technology have awarded us with the means to alter our appearance with the slice of a scalpel or the suction of a well-placed tube. As everyone is starting to realize just what is wrong with themselves, the prices for these procedures have dropped dramatically. It is quickly becoming affordable to the average white-collar job holder. If you are unsure as to exactly what should be the body model that you should follow, a quick trip to a cosmetologist will sort all your worries out.

If a proper diet is all you need, try skipping South Beach and Atkins completely and go right into the new and improved diet of Anorexia Nervosa. If that is not to your liking, might I suggest one of those amazing new dietary pills? Sure the side effects include anal seepage and flatulence with oily spotting (such as with Alli), but you lose all those extra pounds! Obesity is one of the major problems in America today and, as such, all those disgusting, lazy slobs will soon be giving into the pressure of the media and will be ridding their bodies of all fat—there is no such thing as “healthy” fat, after all—so as to look like the skeletal models of the fashion industry.

However, if you are one of those unfortunate souls who have way too much weight to lose (safely or otherwise) before the bikini season, liposuction is a fast, not-so-painless solution to your rather hefty problem. Just a simple injection to liquefy your fat stores and a long metal tube is inserted into a small incision. The procedure should not take too long as the doctor proceeds to hack at the insides of your body as if butchering a cow for that night’s tenderloin. If you have a queasy nature, do not fret. You will be very much under the influence of a general anesthetic.

Once the weight problem is under control, there are a few more surgeries that may be needed to improve your general body shape. There really is no limit to the possibilities! Breast augmentations, tummy tucks, buttock implants—sculpt your dream body based off the very few requirements of society.

If genetics or age are the problem, there are always those procedures to enhance what beauty you were supposed to have, or did have at one time. Is your nose lumpy, crooked, or too big? Nose jobs are getting more popular amongst the stars everyday. Has your face started to resemble that of a bulldog? Facelifts will solve most of your predicament. Are your lips too thin for your liking? Just have some of the fat removed from an area you do not want it and inject it into your lips to make them plump and luscious. The lips are the only things that should be plump, after all.

If you are positive that these surgeries are not for you, try something a little less drastic. Botox is a simple way to remove those ugly crow’s feet from your eyes, frown lines from your forehead, and smile creases from around your lips. Sure, you might not be able to form any facial expressions at all, but that is hardly a difficult price to pay for tricking Father Time. The usage of poison has no discovered long-term side effects, but that hardly matters now! Why, in the future all you will have to do is walk into a pet store and buy your very own jellyfish that are specifically bred to produce just the right amount of toxin. Apply the individual tentacles to the areas in which you want to focus and wait for the prescribed amount of time! No more doctor trips and eternal beauty in the privacy of your very own home!

With all these advances, it is hardly a wonder that America produces so many examples of true beauty. Once all those unfortunate, unmodified people realize what a lie they are living, we will have the status of having the most attractive generation of the history of the world. It is all a matter of time, so go out and start your journey to ultimate perfection.